DATE: 6/26/09-----TIME: 10:11 PM
IRIS:I feel like it doesn't matter how much I explain, I get the same result. I become saddened by what I witness. Idk what to do. I'm patiently waiting for a miracle.I want to be happy. Why is it love that causes so much pain? It's love damnit. Isn't it supposed to be beautiful? I want to ensure that what I have is real. I pray and hope that she really loves me. Idk if it's me but I know that whenever we argue, it hurts..real bad. I just want us to talk things out and understand each other. High school...senior year..was crazy.I wanted to die. Can you imagine a young girl not being able to continue her path to her dreams because of ONE moment? The reason I say what I say and feel how I feel and do what I do 1)She stopped writing in dorqkz-r-us. She used to say it was because she was busy..exams.. finals.. stuff like that. Well here we are more than a week from graduation and not one entry. 2) Feelings. She wrote me a letter titled Feelings saying how she was beginning to like me only as a friend again. That hurt being that I still carry these strong feelings for her. So if I'm being complicated is because of previous things that causes me to behave how I behave. 3) trust. She's done things in the past that has me wondering, "Is she doing something behind my back?" I forgive but can't forget. My mind is never on vacation. I want peace of mind but with her I can't. I feel alone. She may be there but I still feel alone. "..and you say I can tell you things.." What I would like to hear is.." You are really dealing with things the best you can." Reality is.. I'm only human.
DATE: 6/9/09-----TIME: 6:00 PM
IRIS:WELL, WELL, WELL, ... school is almost over and high school will soon be a memory for all of the 2009 seniors. =D I'm not really happy but I'm not sad. It's about time I moved forward with my life. Being 19, I'm ready to move on. Nice knowing many of the people I met, and if we are meant to keep in touch, then we will. Otherwise, I'm ready for a new beginning. I'm excited that I only have 4 more exams to complete and I won't have to come to school anymore except for graduation. I believe it's june 15th @ 8 and 16th @ 10 and then @ 5, diplomas will be given out. sounds simple and really soon. But to me... it's about time. Currently listening: pink- sober. [Dorqksterr N Superstarr] loving my beautiful lady... xoxoxoxo. you're the only one for me baby.
DATE: 6/7/09-----TIME: 10:55 PM
IRIS:TODAY WAS AMAZING! i liked how my day was spent. I spent time with my BFF. MIIINE.lol. I slept over and we got to write in each other's yearbooks. We went to the mall and she baked me a cake and cookies. They were delicious. I love Tahliah so much and she better not forget that. I didn't want today to end and it was sad having to pack up and leave my bestie's house. =(>>>> but i love her and she knows this but just for those who don't... i do and i can't wait to see her again... =)... byes for now!!!
DATE: 6/5/09-----TIME: 10:31 PM
IRIS:WHAT'S UPP??? =) feelin kinda silly right about now. =D xD
DATE: 6/4/09-----TIME: 6:46 PM
IRIS:Just arriving home, I realize that in reality, one is not meant to depend on anyone else. I learn to be grateful for those I have and to do all I can for myself because it's not all the time that you will find someone by your side. It hurts to realize that because one is raised to feel as if they were loved and cared for. Throughout the years, you find yourself on your own more and more. To hear your own mother threaten to leave you one day. To just go off to college and return to find what was once your home, to no longer be where u used to reside. That's the picture I have painted in my mind as I hear my mother's voice say, "It's either me or her." It's not fair to say those words. What are they proving? I don't choose who's to enter or leave my life. It just happens. I have no control over that. So as I walked home from school today, I heard those words, kept back my tears successfully and got lost but eventually found my way home. It was a disaster one can only experience to know how it must feel. Vocal 4 recital was a mess and i hated it. I'm not looking forward to the show tomorrow, but who cares? It's not like what I do matters, right? I'm just counting down the days for the day I am only more alone than before. The day for it to really be me against the world.
DATE: 6/3/09-----TIME: 7:20 PM
IRIS:I got my yearbook, finally. I'm going to take really good care of this one. I even wrote my name in capital letters. Anyways, as soon as I came home, I found myself on the internet aiming tahliah and listening to music. (sighs) I'm just gonna end today's messege by saying I LOVE TAHLIAH!! ok well by folks, lol [dorqksterr N superstarr]
DATE: 6/2/09-----TIME: 4:16 PM
IRIS:Well I got my yearbook today...until some theif decided to take it knowing it wasn't theirs. I had my name written on the back of the front cover on the upper left hand corner. So whoever took it is straight up STUPID! (sighs) I had to let that out because I am highly upset about that. Bexides that, today was a chill day. Right now, I'm eating a bowl of Trix. As I take a bite, I realize I don't like Trix as much as I used to. I'm beginning to like Lucky Charms more though. (odd) Anyways, I'm thinking about getting pink highlights. key word: THINKING. I keep asking for people's opinions on it and so far I got an even amount of yes's and no's. I have dark hair and light brownish (almost penny colored) highlights that are growing out. Besides that, my hair is pretty dark.... hmmm... idk... but i have to go. Gots stuffs to do. [Dorqksterr N Superstarr] I love you baby ;)
DATE: 6/1/09-----TIME: 4:26 PM
IRIS:Well my birthday is in 6 days. I suppose that's exciting. It's amazing to realize how quickly the years pass you by. School was relaxing, not much to do. Since I haven't been on in a while due to some days of feeling too tired, not feeling well enough to write, stuffs like that.. I have alot to mention. Six Flags was awesome. I enjoyed it. I was actually talking about it to a good aquaintance of mine Genaea. (<< probably spelled that wrong) I enjoyed the rides and the weather wasn't bad. I spent it with my bestie and it was nice to spend time with her. The chorus did great and I am proud of everyone. We only needed ONE point to win Superior for the second year. Looking back at my 2 years at W.A.M.S., I realize I did alot of great things that I probably wouldn't have been part of today if I hadn't went to it. I also went to Boston. It was nice, the weather was great and it was relaxing. It was the first time I rode a vehicle that was also a boat. We actually went in the water. The guy speaking to us was saying alot of facts. Some I didn't get cus people were laughing but I wouldn't. some parts made me smile like when he said if he were president, he would make college free and if we did have to pay for college, the university would pay us back 110% of the money. That sounded great. I would vote for him if that was true, lol. Some of the workforce/ ConnCAP people got to drive the vehicle (on the water, not the road). Graduation is around the corner!! =) Let's get the hell outta here '09!!! lol [Dorqksterr N Superstarr]
DATE: 5/27/09-----TIME: 6:22 pM
TAHLIAH:
Tomorrow is Senior Skip Day #2 at my school....well also for a lot of schools in my town. But the thing is...It's going to RAIN, and be gloomy tomorrow. There would be nothing to do, nowhere to go on a day like this. It really sucks. But the thing is....I don't think I am even participating HaHa...I already have enought tardys and absences as it is, and they ADD UP believe me!! lol. So basically I think I'm just going to hang out at school and have a pretty CHILL day...There's no point of skipping on a rainy day. I'd rather be in school anyways. (and yeah i know...I a NERD lol) Did I ever tell you my favorite subject is math? I'm not the only one NOT skipping anyways, so it pretty much balances out right? We can just watch movies n stuff....
But besides that, today I also got a letter from my principal asking me to attend an awards ceremony!!! That's means I get an award. The same thing happend last year,...but sadly, I didn't get one...BUT THIS YEAR I DOOOOOOOOOO!! and that's what matters =D I'm soooo excited because stuff like this doesn't happen everyday for me. Even thought I'm in an honors "program", It still isn't the same as "being honored" with an actual award. (I hope you get that) lol.
But OMG the most unfair thing happened today....OK well the other day, a girl in my class was caught cheating. BIG TIME. She wasn't even being secretive about it. Papers spread out and everything. This girl happens to be in the top 5 in our class, and TOTALLYYYYYYY does not deserve that title according to what happens on every test. She cheats on a daily basis to get to the top which it really not fair to anyone else. Not saying I haven't cheats once or twice in my life, cuz if I did I would be lying lol. But anyways...this girl go caught (did I mention she took the test 3 weeks later than the original test date?, annnnd got help with the teacher AFTER cheating?) Well, today she got her test back with a shinin A+ on it. I was pissed. How can she take a test late, cheat, annd get help from the teacher and get NO points deducted after all? WOOWWW. things like that, make me want to cheat my way to the top too....but do I? NO. This is plain injustice. Dont you think?
DATE: 5/26/09-----TIME: 9:10 PM
IRIS:Today I found out that I'm a super senior. I had a feeling that I was going to be one but it didn't feel right saying it until when I got the invitation today in homeroom. I was invited to attend a senior supper. I was happy to be invited but wasn't sure if I should go. I read, "PROPER ATTIRE REQUESTED" and thought twice. Besides, would my mom even want to go? idk... I'm not one to dress up and when I have to, I kinda think twice about having to go, lol. But I did work hard for this.. so who knows? Besides that, today was ok. It was just a regular day. It felt like a Monday but knew it was really Tuesday. I kinda fell asleep in Spanish class, lol. And I can't wait for Six Flags!! 3 more days and oh yea, I have a concert tomorrow night at the Palace. Oops, that one slipped. I tend to forget about my school performance schedules, lol. [Dorqkzterr N Superstarr]
DATE: 5/25/09-----TIME: 7:25 pM
TAHLIAH:
Memorial Day. What is Memorial Day? Most would say Memorial Day is a day to recognize and remember all the veterns that represented our country throught its toughest moments. But what I find ironic is the face that no one really does this. We do everything but "remember". [At least everyone that I know of...] Today for example was more like a party for me. I spent time with the famm [hadda cookout], listened to music, danced, and just had a fantabulous time. But I realized two things about thoday that made me think twice. 1, we weren't "remembering", and 2, m girlfriend wasn't there to celebrate the moment with me. Lately we've been arguing all the time...over stupid stuff..ya know.... At times, all I can do is blame myself, because I seem to over-react on certain things, but at times it isn't always MY fault either. But on the BRIGHT side...I got to hang with my cuzzoz and sister all day today... The weather was nice, and everything. I loved it...but most of all....I love HER. IRIS.
DATE: 5/24/09-----TIME: 7:15 PM
TAHLIAH:
**FEELS LIKE DANCIN!!!** lol Wow right now I'm listening to THE DREAM ft. KANYE WEST "DANCIN ON THE MOON" This song gets me pumped!! But umm right now, I've just finished adding a little chatbox to the site, i think it'll come in handy pretty soon, don't ya think?but besides that..I'm in an O-k mood tryna keep myself happy, and not upset because lately that's mostly how I have been and I'm quite frankly.................tired of it. haha I'm thinking of adding some new songs to the site...IF you have any suggestions just tell us in the chat box (haha told you it'll come in handy!!) Well, I'm gonna get a drink and come back on here and keep updating, to make out lil blog even BETTER!!!. **WE STILL NEED AFFIES SO GUYS, JUST HIT US UP!!! ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS ASK, AND WE WILL ADD YOU =]**
DATE: 5/23/09-----TIME: 10:46 AM
TAHLIAH:Today. Today. Today. Today is my final for my college class andddd.... flip flop day at Old Navy. (only $1 yall...) GOTTA HIT IT UP!!! lol but umm right now I'm just chillin waitin for the teacher to come in,....It seems as if every ones is late today...lol. THere's only like 3..no 4<--- people on here lol. But hey, cant complian. I just wanna get this exam over and done with. FINISHED....ya know. I also can't stop thinking about next Friday at Six Flags!! OMG its gunna be so fun!! and even better cuz iris is gunna be there encouraging me to go on the superman and the new Bizarro lol....IDK why but I tend for bloat about how I'm gunna get on a really cool ride, but then when I get face to face with it, I just freak out!! lol. I'm sucha scaredy-cat haha!!But other than that...Old Navy Is my new HOORAY because I cant wait to get a TON of new "sandalias"!!! lol-----Dorqk Status!! I hope you guys get to hit up the store like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee =]....TTYL
DATE: 5/22/09-----TIME: 5:22 PM
IRIS:I can't believe this is happening. I'm am so hurt right now. My best friend/gf's sister Tory is really misunderstanding me. She thinks I'm lying when I'm not. I tell her that I didn't mean to break her school project and she doesn't believe me. She thinks I'm lying and it's causing Tahliah not want to talk to me anymore. =( All I can do is speak the truth and ask for forgiveness which I've already done. I never knew there was such a thing as anyone being PERFECT that they couldn't ever accidently break something or cause something to fall. If that's so, I guess I'm the only one that's not perfect in this world. I just want it to be known that this hurts me really bad but like I said,God knows my heart. I said that in the beginning and I will continue to say that until the day I die. I can only do so much in everything I do. Right now I'm listening to "jesus take the wheel" by Carrie Underwood and I love that song. It speaks the truth that it even speaks how i feel at this moment. I know I've given more than one chance to ppl and it's only because I have the understanding that everyone makes mistakes. This is what I get for speaking the truth.Isn't that something? At this point all I can do is make my "sorry" as a memory because it was said, it was just not taken. I'm going to go with this song and really just do the next best thing and ask Jesus to take the wheel. I did what I could. I can either be believed or not, but I am speaking from my heart.
DATE: 5/21/09-----TIME: 7:10 PM
IRIS:Today was ice cream lab day at school. I made chocolate with oreo pieces. It was yummy. We all got A's cus my teacher said so, lol. Some people got extra points cus they helped to clean. I started on my psychology project. Today was beautiful. I liked the weather. It was so warm and nice. We even had a fire drill today at school and all I could remember is the warm sum against my skin. Right now I just have thoughts in my mind. School is almost done and what i have in my mind is more sunny days and the EAP summer program. Hopefully it becomes a success. 26 dayz till graduation (including weekends)and 8 more days till Six Flags!! Time is ticking, Finals are around the corner. OMG!! lol.... [Dorqksterr -N- Superstarr] xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
DATE: 5/19/09-----TIME: 5:01 PM
IRIS:!!!HAPPY 8th MONTH BEAUTIFUL!!!! =) .... wow, time does pass by really quick when you're having fun, lol. Well with love, there's always pain and struggle. It's not always easy but only the strongest ones survive. I just want to let my beautiful gf know that no matter what, I will always love her. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo [ trust, love, and honesty is what every relationship should have]
DATE: 5/17/09-----TIME: 11:12 AM
TAHLIAH:Today was a pretty rough morning. I woke up soooo early for some odd reason on a Sunday<---lol Then I went back to sleep for a few hours until about 10. Then I talked to the bestiee, but resulted in a bod catastrophe b/c people had to interfere..but besides the rought start out today....Yesterday is what matters most right now. I had so much fun with my friends, and most of all Iris. We went to an amusement park, and OMG was I a "scaredy-cat" to go on some of those rides...lol But ummmm....I'm glad that I wasn't ALONE on them b/c I probably wouldn't even have gone on them in the first place lol. (I'm kinda afraid of heights...lol) But all in all, yesterday was great, and I really think that 6-Flags will be even better!!! yay!! *can't wait*
DATE: 5/17/09-----TIME: 10:09 AM
IRIS:I woke up today thinking about yesterday. "Did yesterday really happen?" It's almost like it didn't and I made it exist in my mind only. It was so beautiful although the weather was foggy and rainy because I got to spend the day with this sexy, beautiful girl named Tahliah. We went to Lake Compounce and she got to see her friends and we went on many rides. I wish it didn't have to end because I then would have to wait until the 29th to see her again IF I don't see her before then. It almost brought tears to my eyes (although they did get watery)lol. I know that we communicate through the phone and computer so that thought made it better =) I love Tahliah sooo much and I love being by her side. I feel so right and safe. It's like when I look at her and just stay looking at her, no one else exists in the world. It's only her and I. IT'S MAGICAL! lol Well the thought of working today from 5 to 11 brings my smile to a half frown. Hopefully my hours change next week to how they were. *(hugs and kisses to Tahliah when she reads this)* Byes!
DATE: 5/15/09-----TIME: 7:22 PM
IRIS:I just finished from getting refreshed. I have alot on my mind that I don't have time for little girls' attitudes or hatred towards me. If you're going to hate me at least hate me for a good reason cus if you don't have a good reason, then you're just setting yoursef up to be a HATER and I have no time for HATERZ. I go through alot of shit day by day that I'm surprised that I can manage to put a smile on my face. But hey, it shows how much I can care less about little shit in life =) I went to West Conn to take a placement test and all I wanted to do was take it and come back asap. I wrote about why I'm choosing to go to college and I thought that was the perfect question for me because I really don't have to go. My mom is not MAKING me, it's what I want to do. I really want to go to Lake Compounce too and my mom's car is acting up. (great! =/) Just another reason for my mom to not want to take me. DAMN!! I also have my graduation for BARBIZON coming up. I got an email saying that it's supposed to be on Aug./Sept. on a Saturday or Sunday. I just want it to be over with. I know Barbizon is a lifetime program that will be there. All I have to do is do something with it. I carry so many hopes and dreams and I don't know how I'm going to see it all become reality. Life seems like a test I will never be satisfied with. My answers will always seem wrong to me. I just need a reason and to believe that everything will be ok. I just realized I'm writing a story, lol. wow. Well welcome to my life.
DATE: 5/14/09-----TIME: 8:43 PM
IRIS:I can't wait until Saturday. Hopefully, things go as planned. I have an essay due tomorrow but the teacher said she would give me more time because I did have to start from scratch and re-write the whole thing. Now, I feel refreshed. Math homework was good, especially since I got to look at a picture of my girl while doing it. =) Friday will arrive and I have to see if I can call out. I'm hoping for the best. Please wish me luck!!
DATE: 5/13/09-----TIME: 7:52 PM
IRIS:Ok well I can say today was an ok day. Unfortunatly, I wasn't able to attend an Honors Society Ceremony to see this one beautiful girl who I can't wait to see again. Instead, I sat here finding ways to show her that depite my lack of attendance, I'm still thinking of her and really wish I could have went. Everything we've come out to be is magnificent and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. She is truely someone who has taken a special part of my heart. Today was the same, as usual. Getting prepared for Music in the Parks. 14 days for the Spring Concert at the Palace Theatre, 6 days for an 8 month with someone special =), and then of course 16 days for Music in the Parks, which is also the same day we go to Six Flags! WooHoo!!
DATE: 5/12/09-----TIME: 5:12 PM
IRIS:
Today was upsetting.It all began first period, when I ended up loosing my essay. An essay I worked for days and almost being done with it, had to get lost. I went to 2nd period late because i was trying to find the essay, only to have no luck. I felt horrible. I couldn't breathe well enough. I was trying to hold back tears, and was able to not cry about it. I then gained hope after my teacher told me she would try to find it herself, but then told me that she didn't find it. At this point, I was PISSED. All that work for nothing. I came home upset and then felt worse not being able to talk to my gf because of this stupid essay. I so far, have 3 paragraphs done and am planning on working on the other 2 in class tomorrow, possibly finishing it for homework. I have to say that my gf is the sexiest most amazing person and I thank her for making my day better. I received an amazing message from her and I loved it. It truly made my day.=) I love you Tahliah! xoxoxox. Myyyy sexy, beautiful gf. Damn, am i lucky. Well till next time.. byes.
DATE: 5/12/09-----TIME: 3:21 PM
TAHLIAH:Damn here I am AGAIN thinking about someone sexy...lol Right now I'm rejuvenating the site, trying to make it the best I can finding cool stuff to add on it, and whatever else I find interesting...If you guys have any ideas....email us at: dorqkz@aol.com We'll be happy to take requests =] After all..we ARE new at this blogging thing as you can see...but after blogging for about a week and a half now...I've begun to like it =D It's actually pretty cool...haha!! I'm like soooooo bored right now...sitting here playing with my hair (I got it done yesterday)...I LOVE it<----it looks A-M-A-Z-I-N-GGGGG Well enough about my hair...I need to get back to editing. Until next time...PEACE OUT GUYSZ!!!!!!!!
DATE: 5/11/09-----TIME: 10:15 PM
TAHLIAH:FANTABULOUS!!! today was fantabb.. So many things happened today that made my day so great...but most of all was my time talkign to my bestie...Besides the good...there always comes some bad....Unfortunately a student at my school died in a car accident recently and everyone very deprssed and sad of this horrible incident...I thank GOD Im alive to see this day, and hope to be blessed with many more. But to the kid's family ..and friends..I wish you the best, and I really hope you cope with the death as best to your ability. I feel so sad thinking about other people being sad. It just makes me feel the same....But I came home to a bestie that brightened up the say, making it better, than schoolwise....Also today, I got a certificate to be in the National Honors Society!! YAY MEE lol jkjk. But turns out I was the only one w/o a card on my certificate =[ *cries* haha but hopefully the teacher will make me another card in its place. I mean...I DO deserve it dont I?? ( say "yes" lol )...Well thats about it...the rest of my day I basically chilled and did nothing but tinker on this computer all day calling myself "relaxing" lol. But on the bright side...I'm finally DONE with AP exams!! yay. 3 tests out the drain =] Next comes finals...Aaaahhhhhh!! =O
P.S. I want a cupcake...
DATE: 5/09/09-----TIME: 1:02 PM
IRIS:
Today I woke up at 7:30 for class only to not have to be there. Then, work at 11:30 only not have to be there either. They changed my schedule for this weekend because of inspection. WTH?? When was I going to find out about this? and what if I couldn't make it?? I have a life other than Wendy's. Anyways, today I have to go through it. Only today. Tomorrow I work 12 to 6. Yea, good thing I was able to switch hours with someone. MANN!! I guess this is when i look at the bright side.. at least I got my schedule changed for tomorrow. I just want to tell my best friend for life that I'm going to be thinking about her and that I'm sorry that they decided to do this to me. =( I love you Tahliah. Let's hope today doesn't get any worse.
DATE: 5/09/09-----TIME: 10:32 AM
TAHLIAH:Today started off like a FRESH SHOWERR..I woke up happy n refreshed. Last nite I went out with my friends, and we had a prety good time watching a play. But most of all I got to hang out with my best friend...The funny thing is...IDK what the heck the play was about..I was sooooo confuzzled!! It was so random and had the wierdest moments. It was a musical...The singing was decent...but the plot??? haha..."no comment" jkjk But I'm at class right now trying to figure out what to put on the site to make it more appealing...I mean...COOL STUFF!!! lol but yeah...lets get to it =]
DATE: 5/08/09-----TIME: 5:25 PM
TAHLIAH:
Today was a great day. I actually can say I felt free today. =] I rly did nothing at school because ap exams, so that made it even better. It was a chilll sort of day you can say....Today I am thinking about going out. Get this stress off my back and just lay back and have fun ya know. I'm gunna finally do something I want to do and not be told what to do. This way "I" can be happy...Well...right now I have chores...so I have to go...I'll write later...but on the real...I hope your day was as amazing as mines =]. thanks 4 reading. Currently eating: Bowl of chocolate ice cream.
...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
DATE: 5/07/09-----TIME: 10:58 PM
IRIS:It doesn't hurt her the way it hurts me. I realize that. I notice that when I hurt, she can say something and go along with it. so simply. so easy. Why can't I do that? I'm in too deep. I'm in trying to escape it but it won't leave. I thought I could fight this. I thought that calling quits was always the answer. It's NOT!!! I'm in too deep and I'm trapped. I'm trapped. I LOVE HER!!! I LOVE HER SOO MUCH!! TOO MUCH!! I'M EVEN BEGINNING TO NEED HER! FUCK!!! WHY ME DAMNIT!She's the only one that can get me this way. Is that healthy? Do I need to seperate myself to make myself stable again? Now here I go another night with tears in my eys because I feel misunderstood, with these fucking feelings, thinking about her!!! Will she ever realize? Or is it me? Does she love me the same way I love her? Please let it be so... If not... I guess I'm trapped with the pain and this will never be a happy ending for me. never. What happened to me?? I was so safe. I was so...
DATE: 5/07/09-----TIME: 5:01 PM
IRIS:Today I received an email from a neice of mine and my sister from Dubai about getting a facebook. There were pictures that they wanted me to see so I did. I have a facebook now and there was a part that said: choose people that you think you may know, so i did. Then I realized, "Wait, I chose people that I don't really talk to or who I don't talk to at all and now they'll see my invitation to be a friend, and probably consider me random to invite them." Well, I wasn't sure of what I was doing, all I know is that I was following directions, lol. The only person I really knew was my bff aka gf and my sister and neices from Dubai. Anyways, today was a regular day. 40 more days until graduation!!!
DATE: 5/06/09-----TIME: 10:02 PM
IRIS:Today was good. Sadly to say, it was the last day of ConnCAP. ConnCAP is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It helped me alot and I didn't expect to like it, but I ended up loving it. I saw my bestie for lyph... yea you read right, FOR LIFE. She looked so pretty today, but you know what the best part is... she doesn't know it. She has no idea how good she looks to me. (and that makes her look even BETTER,lol) Anyways, I know that I will visit the ConnCAP office and bother Ines again one day.I'm going to miss it. Today I actually took the time to count down the days to graduation..41 days (including weekends) Woot Woot!!!
DATE: 5/06/09-----TIME: 8:56 PM
TAHLIAH:
Hmmmmm...Today was an ok day....very busy and exciting actually... lol Today was the day of that AP exam I was telling you guys about. AP Calc. Lets just say I think I did average ..cuz if I put my hopes up...I might just do badly. But on the bright side...lol I think i did spectacular. ConnCAP. After 4 years of this program I'm in..It finnaly has come to a end. Being my senior year...I have to wave the white flag and boot myself out lol. WE had a party today and I ate my favorite foods...hotwings...and PIZZA!! lol. I tasted bangin. I came back for 3rds lol. I swear I'm a total fatass lol. All I do is eat. That's why I'm thinking of going on a diet. A real one. I meannnn...I may not got Jenny Craig..but I need to loose a few pounds lol...just a few, to make myself content. Despite the FOOD part...I was hap0py because I got to see my bestieee IRIS and we hung out and chilled and got to talk "face-to-face" (finally) Just talking to my best friend makes me feel a whole lot happier. It's like having my own personal twin. =]
DATE: 5/04/09-----TIME: 6:14 PM
TAHLIAH:I hate bitches. Although it is said bluntly...it simply means the truth. "My truth". Today was just dandy...untilllllll *duh duh duh duh!!!!* SHIT HAPPENS TO TAKE A STROLL ON my sidewalk. and to add at that...it was BULLshit. (lol) But anyways I simply stay away (well try my darnest to) from the bullshit and negative that goes on in my life. Everyday I think to myself...why am I more upset than happy? Then I realize...why I am. But I'm just gunna let that shit take a damn stroll out my day for the rest of the night. I'm gunna be happy and STAY happy. Maybe tonight Ill chill with mom or my dad or something. Just anything to set my distance with negative. I would say I'm a positive person. I like to be happy..I mean doesn't everyone? That is why I still, to this day find myself running away day by day....from the negative. Running and Running away like a homeless child. Day by day...by day...
DATE: 5/04/09-----TIME: 5:46 PM
IRIS:Trying to make up for what I had said, I realize that what I say seems useless. Getting back with someone who dumped you twice and gives an attitude as if "nothing you say phases me" is not something I wake up and look forward to. I can only do so much. My heart can only give so much love, taking alot for me to not want to give up. All I'm looking for is a reason to feel like what I'm doing is right.
DATE: 5/03/09-----TIME: 9:59 PM
IRIS:I went to work early to help get things off my head, like my bff no longer being my gf but only my bff while I still carry these feelings for her. Last night I was told one thing while today I felt a total different feeling towards us being together again. It was like rapid wind. It came and then went. I also don't know what college to go to now. It's either N.V.C.C. or W.C.S.U. I always told myself that W.C.S.U. was the college I wanted to go to but that if I didn't get in, I would just go to N.V.C.C. for 2 years, no big deal. Then, I got together with my bff and that gave me another reason to want to go to that school, because she got accepted and told me she was going to go. So, right now, I don't know. Money is always an issue but I believe in myself. I know which path would be easier but I don't always choose the easy path. So I'm lost... I love Tahliah and will always love her. I miss her already and even thought about her at work, but decided to stop because I didn't feel like crying at work, so I made myself laugh as I would do random things like make funny faces through the window as I saw my reflection. (weirdo!)
DATE: 5/03/09-----TIME: 3:01 PM
TAHLIAH:Wow....I just realized how much this day is going to suck. My best friend hates me, and I feel like just...idk...I just don't feel rught for some reason. I keep telling myself "It's Her" but then think again and say no..."It's me". The thing is...I really want her but i just can't. So many things on my mind right now....HER...College...Exams...my family...and that stupid dream I had last night. I'm really starting to hate my dreams...they always turn out to be nightmares...but I know they will never happen so I'm OK. Today..my plan was to study for my AP Comp. Government Exam but....the hell to that LOL. I can't study with all this stuff on my head anyways. Wow...It totally smells like fried butter in my house right now....*I wonder whats cooking.. XP*. But since I'm not gunna study(I'll just do it later..) I'll just work on the site. =D TTYL.
DATE: 5/03/09-----TIME: 1:32 PM
IRIS:
Heavenly Father
I beg of you to heal my heart
I beg of you to protect me from harm
If you are who plans my life, You know my destiny
I beg of you to heal me
Lead me to the right path
Father, I am so alone with this pain
You know my heart, you know what's missing
You know its flaws and bruises
Protect me
I pray, I hope, I sign my given name to your destiny
Help me, guide me, I am yours and belong to you
My Heavenly Father
My King
DATE: 5/03/09-----TIME: 1:25 AM
IRIS:Well I can't sleep because of stupid Midol. I take them for one thing and they give me more than I asked for. I like to sleep. It at least gives me the time to escape this world for a while. Fatigue is not always a bad thing ya know, but thanx to Midol, I'm sitting here typing my thoughts away. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I feel lost. The world is sleeping right now while I type to myself. That's nice. I hate being misunderstood and I've been feeling that way for 18 years. OMG!!! I just want to sleep but I can't make myself cus then I will get this disorder that will allow me to have a sleeping problem. I learned that in psychology class. Well good morning world!!!
DATE: 5/02/09-----TIME: 2:24 PM
IRIS:Today I woke up and suddenly it hit me: I was no longer considered a "couple". I was now single and it hurt really bad knowing that the person i was with is someone who I still have feelings for. I mean, is it even possible for the feeling to go away so suddenly? I know right away that this is something that I'm going to have to go through... This person is my best friend and why did I still go on with being best friends with her? Because I still love this person, together or not, love is not something that can't go away so suddenly and if it can, then the love given was not real love at all. I know what I said to her. "Best friends forever." Went to work thinking about this and suddenly felt sick. I began to feel what is called "cold-sweat". My stomach began to hurt and I felt like I wanted to vomit. I suddenly felt weak and tired. I told my manager and was sent home. I got Midol and lay down for a bit, beginning to feel better. All and all, my day is simply painful. My mind, body, and soul...painful. This is another day, waiting for a better tomorrow.
DATE: 5/02/09-----TIME: 11:12 AM
TAHLIAH:
Hmmmmmm...Yesterday was a very hard day. I had to do something I didn't want to do, but had to. I never thought I would do it again...but sometimes you just have to things only because the are right. Sometimes I wonder to myself, did i do the right thing or did ruin a good time in my life? But it comes down to this, "Life is life, and you have to let things pass. Life's not fair.". But on the real, today I'm going to be really busy. AP tests are this week starting Monday, and I have to STUDY STUDY STUDY!! Can't afford to fail =[. But I'm so glad I have a best friend like Iris. Shes like the best thing that's ever happened to me. And yes,